Catherine Howard

I had a very normal life;
Your typical Tudor teen.
But then one day I woke up,
And discovered I was Queen.

Well as you can imagine
That came as quite a shock.
One day I was quite lowly,
The next I was on top.

I loved my new position,
But it quickly took it’s toll,
As it soon became apparent
That I’m struggling with the role.

It’s not that I don’t love the King
Or think of him with awe.
But he’s got the same libido
As your average stable door.

So I did what any girl would do
In a similar position;
I went and met a courtier
Who would feed my inhibition.

With the help of Lady Rochford
I would meet my lovely Tom.
We met in palace privies,
And we tried to blank the pong.

But our secret was discovered,
And my Thomas met his fate.
Now I’ve got a nasty feeling
I’ll be meeting mine of late.

I think I acted hastily,
And feel a little sick.
Cus it’s hard to love a courtier
When his head is on a stick.

I used to stroke Tom’s lovely head,
While he held me on a date.
But his arms are now in Greyfriars,
And his head is on Tower Gate.

So I’m about to join the annuls
Of those who crossed the King.
I just couldn’t wait for him to die
Before I had a fling.

But before you’re quick to judge me,
And dismiss me as a tart;
Remember that I’m just a girl
Who responded to her heart.