Me mother was a bricklayer;
She didn’t take no trouble.
If someone wouldn’t pay her,
She’d hit ’em with a shovel.
Me father bought a shotgun,
Which he used when he retired.
A bit of shot came out the end;
The rest of it backfired.
Me brother owned a pussy cat;
It was a vicious moggy.
It fell into the fishpond,
And now his moggy’s soggy.
Me sister was a short fat girl;
She looked just like a ball,
Till I put her in the cider press,
Now she’s thin and six foot tall.
Me granny owned a hamster;
She used to comb and groom her,
Until it’s cage turned upside down,
And we sucked it up the hoover.
Me granddad bought a set of teeth;
They were so white and new.
Until he knocked them off the shelf,
And flushed them down the loo.
They swirled around the toilet bowl
As he watched them in a trance,
And then they disappeared from sight,
And ended up in France.
Me family are a funny lot;
We give each other strife.
But while me friends can come and go,
Me family’s for life!