I’m such a devout Catholic;
I do what’s right and good.
I married my sweet Catherine,
When Pope Julius said I could.

Kate previously wed my brother,
But to me she did belong,
Until she failed to give me sons,
Which proved the Pope was wrong.

I’m such a devout Catholic,
But I want to marry Anne.
I’ll be Defender of the Faith,
As long as Julius says I can.

But Julius wouldn’t give me,
That divorce for which I hope,
So now I’ve found a legal loophole,
To prove I’m better than the Pope.

I’m such a devout Catholic
That I’ve created my own Church.
I’ll crush those traitorous subjects,
Who don’t think I’m God on earth.

I slaughtered More and Fisher;
Used the Carthusians as bait,
And anyone who crosses me,
Will meet a similar fate.

I always do what’s right and good,
And as the monasteries are corrupt,
I’m forced to sack them forcefully,
And all their wealth deduct.

I’m such a devout Catholic,
But I want Anne from my bed.
So I’ll use false allegations,
As my excuse to get her dead.

I’ll take a few friends with her.
My courtiers I’ll savage.
They used to entertain me.
They’re now collateral damage.

I’m such a devout Catholic,
Do I do what’s right and good?
I do exactly what I want,
Because my advisors said I could.

 

 

About The Author

Eddie Boverington

Edward “Eddie” Boverington is a freelance moustachioculturalist and professional cobbler, a student of history, and in his spare time composes medieval inspired poems and lute ballads in the 16th century style. He grew up in Clapham in the 1950s, where he still lives above his family’s shoe repair shop. Some of his moustache designs have won awards in prestigious international competitions, such as Le Concourse de Bacchantes et Moustaches de Francais. He can also polish, recondition and resole even the finest boots overnite for only £25.

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